Engraved tags for the breed that screams like a goat, sploots on cold tile and judges the humidity harder than your mother-in-law. We live with seven English bulldogs, so we know the flat-faced cousin's act by heart.
A frenchie doesn't wear a tag so much as test it. Slobber, water-bowl face-plants, sticky summer air and the sand they track in after a beach day they complained through the entire time. Printed tags fade and peel when they meet all that.
Ours don't, because the words are laser-cut into the metal. There's no paint on top to chip, wash or sweat off. On colored tags the laser lifts the anodized color and exposes bright silver underneath; on stainless and brass the mark goes dark and deep.
The joke stays readable long after the summer is over, which in Florida means never.
Frenchies are compact but built like a fire hydrant with ears. Too big and the tag swings into the water bowl; too small and it disappears under the wrinkles. Match the tag to the collar width, not the dog's ego.
Small 1 inch
$12
Small frenchie puppies and narrow collars. Fine to start, but most adults outgrow it.
Medium 1.5 inch
$14
The one most frenchies wear. Big enough to read the number, small enough not to clank on every tile.
Large 2 inch
$16
For the stocky little tank on a wide collar, or if you want a three-line saying on the front.
Short answer: adult frenchie, standard collar, go Medium. Wide collar, go Large.
Add $4 for stainless or brass, $6 for polished. Shapes available at the size you pick are shown in the builder, and the preview is exactly what we engrave.
Front of the tag. Short lines, written for frenchies, not borrowed from some other breed. Name and phone number go on the back where a stranger can actually use them.
Bat ears.
Hears everything.
Ignores it all.
Not a pug.
Stop asking.
Snores
with an accent.
Screams like a goat.
Is fine.
Heat index: 95.
Walk: denied.
Small loaf.
Big opinions.
Sploots on tile.
Will not move.
Snorts. Toots.
Blames the cat.
Every line above fits the tag as written. Want your own? Type it in the builder and the preview shows what fits before you pay.
We're a family in Lehi, Utah with seven English bulldogs and one very busy laser. We wrote the bulldog tags first, from experience. The frenchie jokes come from friends, neighbors and every frenchie that has ever stolen our dogs' toys at the park.
Questions humans ask
Still stuck? [email protected]. A human answers. The dogs supervise.
Medium (1.5 inch) suits most adult frenchies. They have thick necks for their size, so go Large on a wide collar. It should be easy to read but not hang low enough to drag through the water bowl.
No. The words are laser-cut into the metal, not printed on top, so there's no ink to fade, peel or rinse off. Sweat, slobber and salt air don't erase an engraving.
Yes, that's the standard build. The funny saying goes on the front, and your dog's name plus your phone number are engraved on the back. A third back line is optional.
Nine of them on this page, about the bat ears, the screaming, the splooting, the gas and the hard no on midday walks. Every one fits the tag as written, and the full sayings list has hundreds more.
Custom tags aren't returnable, but if we mis-engrave it, we remake it free. Send a photo and we re-cut it. Tags ship USPS from Lehi, Utah in 3 to 5 days.